Clay County Free Press
  • News
    • Local
    • Sports
    • Notices
    • Courthouse News
      • Booked
      • Magistrate News
  • Obituaries
  • Opinions
    • Can You Identify
    • Cook’s Corner
    • Echo From the Hills
    • Salt & Sonshine
    • The Baptist Classroom
  • Spiritual
    • Diocese of Wheeling-Charleston
    • Transcendental Meditation
    • Parabola
    • Southern Baptist
  • epress
  • State News
  • National News
  • Mountain Media, LLC
  • Contact Us
  • Login
Subscribe For $2.50/Month
No Result
View All Result
  • News
    • Local
    • Sports
    • Notices
    • Courthouse News
      • Booked
      • Magistrate News
  • Obituaries
  • Opinions
    • Can You Identify
    • Cook’s Corner
    • Echo From the Hills
    • Salt & Sonshine
    • The Baptist Classroom
  • Spiritual
    • Diocese of Wheeling-Charleston
    • Transcendental Meditation
    • Parabola
    • Southern Baptist
  • epress
  • State News
  • National News
  • Mountain Media, LLC
  • Contact Us
  • Login
No Result
View All Result
Clay County Free Press
No Result
View All Result
  • National News
  • WV State News
  • VA State News
  • Subscribe
  • Contact Us
Home Opinions

Home Country

February 21, 2023
in Opinions, Top Stories
Reading Time: 2 mins read
Share on FacebookShare on Twitter

Home Country

Slim Randles

Mrs. Forrest has always been a compulsive feeder. Before she retired, she was cooking for the Mule Barn truck stop’s customers, and is singularly responsible for about three flabby tons of avoirdupois on this nation’s truck drivers, and may have been marginally responsible, third-hand, for a cardiac event or two. 

But now she’s retired, and a widow, and her kids all have kids and are scattered like a covey of quail.  Local bachelors of a certain age know if they should just happen to be chatting with Mrs. Forrest on her front lawn along about supper time, there’s a dang-near dead certainty they’ll get a meal out of it.

And, through the magic of telepathic communication and the synchronistic wave lengths of humanity, the message about Mrs. Forrest’s unstoppable feeding compulsion had somehow reached the psyches of the homeless.

At any rate, two of the aforementioned drifters had knocked on Mrs. Forrest’s door and asked if there were any chores she needed done in exchange for some food. Well, you should’ve seen her eyes light up at that question. She said she had a bunch of firewood that needed to be split into kindling and if they didn’t mind doing that, she’d fix them a chicken dinner with cream gravy. Mrs. Forrest puts cream gravy on everything.

So she busied herself in the kitchen, and then went out to see how these fellows were doing. And there, leaning on an axe handle, was one of them, and the other was doing gymnastics in and around the woodpile. It was amazing. He’d come out of a round-off flip flop and then gracefully go into a full layout Sukuhara with a right-hand twist. She watched in awe for a few minutes before whispering to this gymnast’s partner.

“I had no idea your friend was an acrobat,” she whispered.

He looked at her and whispered back, “Neither did I ‘til I cracked him on the shin with this axe.”

————-

Treat yourself to a once-in-a-lifetime Iltis ax. Worth every penny. sandy.kurtes@ufsupplies.com.

 

Previous Post

Dr. James L. Snyder

Next Post

The Mazzella Column

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Join Our Newsletter

  • Subscribe
  • Contact Us
  • My Account
  • Clay Free Press e-Edition

© 2021 Mountain Media, LLC.

  • Login
  • Sign Up
  • Cart
No Result
View All Result
  • News
    • Local
    • Sports
    • Notices
    • Courthouse News
      • Booked
      • Magistrate News
  • Obituaries
  • Opinions
    • Can You Identify
    • Cook’s Corner
    • Echo From the Hills
    • Salt & Sonshine
    • The Baptist Classroom
  • Spiritual
    • Diocese of Wheeling-Charleston
    • Transcendental Meditation
    • Parabola
    • Southern Baptist
  • epress
  • State News
  • National News
  • Mountain Media, LLC
  • Contact Us
  • Login

© 2021 Mountain Media, LLC.

Welcome Back!

Login to your account below

Forgotten Password? Sign Up

Create New Account!

Fill the forms below to register

All fields are required. Log In

Retrieve your password

Please enter your username or email address to reset your password.

Log In

Forgot your password?

Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive mail with link to set new password.

Back to login

Add Clay County Free Press to your Homescreen!

Add