Slim Randles
(Where would we be without the incomparable medical advice of Windy Wilson?)
I timed ‘er just right t’other day. Strolled on into the Mule Barn when I knew Doc and the guys would be there. Oh we unfiltered the world events for a while, then … to take advantage of medical science when it’s sippin’ coffee, I rolls up my sleeve and shows Doc my elbow.
Then I said, “Doc, what do you reckermend for a elbow with a carbolic uncle on it like this here?”
And ol’ Doc, he looks right at me, takes a sip o’joe, and says, “Youth in Asia.”
Youth in Asia? Hey, you know me, Alphonse Wilson. You know I ain’t got a thing against them Chinese kids. I sure like to watch ‘em in the Olympics. You see them Chinese girls divin’? Boy howdy! And them Korean guys shooting their bows? Flamtastic!
And I’m sure they’re all really nice folks ‘n all, but what do the kids know about elbows?
So I went to the library and asked Mrs. Cutter if she had anythin’ on fixin’ elbows in China or Japan or Korea or Cambloodia, or any a them Asian countries. She looked at me kinda funny there for a minute, I guess she wasn’t ‘spectin’ me to be lookin’ up medicine thingies. But then she brought me back a book on Asian medicine and I checked ‘er out.
Wellsir, you ain’t gonna believe this, but I even saw pitchers. You know what them guys do when they got a misery in a certain place? They stick pins in it!
See, told you you wouldn’t believe me. But they do. They call it accurate puncture.
And if stickin’ a pin ain’t getting’ the job done, why they ups ‘n puts a marshmeller on the top of the pin and sets fire to it!
Hey, if I’m lyin’ may my dog get coated in WD40 and come down with the lubricrated scours!
Yessir.
Well, I thought this was about the dumbest thing I ever read, but I know ol’ Doc wouldn’t steer me wrong … so I did ‘er.
It hurt a little, but it was about like gettin’ a blackleg shot at branding, ‘cept on purpose a-course. But I sat there lookin’ at my elbow through all of Gunsmoke and that there carbolic uncle didn’t go away.
So I got me a marshmeller … yes, I did. Had some left over from Halloween, you know, last year. And I put one on that pin and ignitified it. Singed all the hair around my elbow, too.
Did it work? Well, no. Not really. Maybe you have to have a Asian elbow to get all the benerfits of it.
But that there marshmeller shore tasted good.
And you can tell ‘em I said so.
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A book of Windy’s best called “Wit and Wisdom of Windy Wilson” should be published before the year’s out. You know you’ll need one.