By Slim Randles
Have you been counting the minutes until election day when your neighbors can remove all those campaign signs from their lawns for another two years? Yes, these are mid-term elections, just as serious as the presidential election yet to come two years from now, but not as interesting.
Why not? Because the great candidate Vermin Love Supreme only runs for President and doesn’t mess about trying to be someone’s governor. V.L., who appears to be a bearded cross between Archimedes and Alexander Graham Bell, tends to stand out in a crowd. That is largely because he’s usually wearing a boot on his head and is carrying a giant toothbrush.
Unlike most politicians, who basically ask us to vote for them because they have their names on several yard signs and can prove it, Ol’ Verm isn’t afraid to face his country head-on and tell us what we really need.
Last time around, while trying to wedge his goals into the New Hampshire primaries, Vermin made no bones of his platform: 1. Passing a national law that everyone must brush their teeth, 2. Dedicating millions of tax dollars to delve into time travel, 3. Investigate the possibilities of a Zombie invasion, and 4. Give a pony to everyone in the country.
Lest you be scratching your head over the time-travel expenditures, Vermin Love Supreme is quick to point out that once science has whipped time travel, he can then go back in time and kill Adolf Hitler.
How can you beat a campaign slogan like that? Not only is it fun, but just picture 250 million people riding ponies around and showing off their shiny teeth.
Just two more years … we can do it. Two more years.
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Brought to you by a mysterious conglomerate that we’ve never heard of and who just do silly things.
